Natural Tendencies

Hey Friends!

Have you noticed your natural tendencies? You know, those knee-jerk reactions you have and do instantaneously without thought? Are those radiating tendencies or ones that you're embarrassed about?

In this episode, I'm sharing some fascinating results from recent polls reflecting your natural reaction or impulses. I found them incredibly surprising. Then I'll unearth what these tendencies may be symbolizing for you (and me!).

Let's dive in!

Poll Results

Let's start by looking at these recent polls and ponder how people like you and me responded. For reference, these are polls I published on my social platforms. And while the sample size is relatively small, making them statistically insignificant - they're still relevant for this conversation. 

One poll shows that 75% of you focus on productivity over presence. Not shocking, right? That's why over 2500 mediation apps have been launched since 2015. I'll return to why this interests me when I share the themes I noticed across these polls.

Another poll reflected that 100% of you feel outside of your body at some point in your life. 100%! We are skilled at disassociating ourselves from reality, or we're experienced spiritual travelers moving across planes. Sadly, we've all experienced some level of trauma in our lives. And during that trauma, we escaped that discomfort or pain by leaving our bodies. 

Another poll shows that 100% of you naturally tend to please others. These results leave plenty of room for interpretation. I wonder if people viewed this tendency as a positive, kind action or a form of armor to protect you from being judged by pleasing others. Interesting, right?

One poll reflected that 80% of you spend more time in the future than in the past. First, you 80% are my people. I spend infinite amounts of time planning the future. Seriously though, each person has a different relationship with time. The Hopi people believe that all time is present and everything that will happen results from other present moments. And the Navajo think there's no future. Only the present moment. 

So if you tend to focus on the past and replay an event over and over, you may long for something that happened or hold regret. And if you're like me and focus on the future, you may believe things will be better than they are right now. So, with this lens, I find relief in seeing that 80% of you spend more time in the future - believing things will be better than they are right now.

And the last poll I'll share is that 100% of you see beauty over burden. This is inspiring and gives me hope that you and many of us can see what is working for us or the silver lining when surrounded by the heavy burdens of life. 

As I sit with the results of these polls, I notice two themes reflecting our natural tendencies:

1. You and I have difficulty being present and in our bodies.
2. You and I struggle to live a conscious life - even though we sense it or seek it.

What are Tendencies Anyhow

Based on the Merian-Webster dictionary, a tendency is a proneness to a particular kind of thought or action. Got it. But have you thought if your tendencies are natural tendencies of your true Self or perhaps tendencies of your shadow self or filtered through the masks you wear?

What I mean by this is when you're whole and living in alignment with your awakened Self, your tendencies tend to hold compassion and love. So you may notice what's working for you rather than what's not working. Or you lean towards curiosity over confrontation.

When your tendencies are sourced from your shadow, they reflect what you avoid experiencing vulnerability so that you don't feel it again. This vulnerability is generated in your birth family. So that could look like a tendency to have things tidy and in order to avoid igniting an explosive parent.

When you wear a mask or a persona, it covers a deep wound. You wear this mask to feel accepted or have a false sense of protection from trauma experienced by your birth family or over the course of your life. And typically, this front becomes a part of yourself you're unaware of and can entirely run you. Masks get in the way of you experiencing reality.

Here's what it looks like when wearing a mask. I successfully navigated the patriarchal structures in the capitalistic corporate setting by taking on many masculine tendencies. I wore the 'power' mask as I chased roles where I was "in control" or could "create control" by directly affecting the outcome. This mask gave me the impression that I was protected from being judged or seen as an imposter. And the mask covered this shadow part that I rejected - the vulnerability that I don't have a voice or purpose. Or said differently, I don't have any power.

Sheesh! I'm getting really intimate here in this episode. Ok. For those new to the concept of masks, I'll pause and unpack this a bit. 

In "The Undefended Self," Susan Thesenga - describes the three primary masks as Power, Love, and Serenity. But first, let's look at how she defines masks. Masks are images of who you think you should be. They're motivated by the attempt to avoid pain from the past, to happen in the future. This means that your real feelings in the present are replaced with an unreal generalization based on the past. When you're caught up in who you think you should be, you live in your thoughts about the past rather than the reality of your present. Let's make this more tangible and look at the three primary masks.

• Power Mask: This mask is worn when you attempt to get control of life and others so that you always show up as confident, independent, and sometimes aggressive. You tend to be domineering to avoid the vulnerability of your inner child. You like to win in all situations. You cannot admit your mistakes or weaknesses because you're plagued by a secret sense of shame and failure. And your power drive is idealized where love and contact are rejected. The Power mask cycles energy fiercely and with intention. Here's the thing, to generate authentic power, you need to be open about real feelings with no attachments or expectations. Just honesty and to feel all the real emotions.
• Love Mask: This mask is worn when you attempt to extract love from others so that you appear to be loving. You tend to be appeasing and self-denying to gain control of love and approval from others. You love at all costs. You use love as a weapon to create guilt in others. Love becomes your dependency, and your lower Self experiences it as fear. The Love mask holds back energy. And here's the thing: to generate authentic love, you need an open, spontaneous, and guilt-free atmosphere.
• Serenity Mask: This mask is worn when you attempt to escape difficulties and the vulnerability of life. You always appear calm, serene, and indifferent. You make others wrong that express emotion around you. You tend to withdraw, avoid life and are detached from anything spiritual. Yet, underneath the withdrawal, you're torn and insecure, believing that neither self-assertion nor love is available to you. Your lower Self is cynically worldly and experiences it as "pride ."The energy of the Serenity mask is limp and nearly lifeless - leaving you feeling lost and wondering. And to generate authentic serenity, you need to step out into life through a steady process with a lot of encouragement to reveal your real Self.

And, yes, there is a Combination Mask. But unfortunately, it creates tremendous inner confusion since it pursues contradictory goals and idealizations. So let's say your Power mask rules your life in the business setting. And your Love mask rules your personal life and intimate relationships. Then let's say your Serenity mask has you play submissive career roles and dominant roles in your personal relationships. Crazy right?

The more you wear the masks, the more static you become. And this can have you feeling stuck in life. 

Invitations to Look Inward

I invite you to reflect on your tendencies. Are they coming from your true Self and all your vulnerabilities? Or are they defensive mechanisms coming from a place of fear or shame?

Since humans typically wear their own masks, they cannot see your mask. Their mask blocks them from seeing reality. So you need to be a mirror for yourself in identifying the mask or masks you wear. Your dear friend or family member is of no help here. And as you look inward to view your masks and shadow parts, be sure to carry radical compassion. There's no room for self-judgment. 

And as you reflect, if you're unsure what mask you wear, then ask…

• What vulnerability do I not want to feel or not show up?
• How am I defending against that vulnerability?
• How do I want to show up? How do I want to be seen?

And to dig deeper and uncover your shadow parts, ask what thing is most painful to me? What DON'T I want to feel? This will likely show you the shadow.

Interestingly enough, whichever mask you find yourself dominant in, you're likely strongly suited to that quality. Here's what I mean by this. An authoritative person takes on the Power mask, which distorts their power. In other words, the Power mask is a kaleidoscope of one's natural influential tendency. 

Let's return to the two themes I noticed after reflecting on your natural tendencies from the informal polls across my social platforms:

1. You and I have difficulty being present and in our bodies.
2. You and I struggle to live a conscious life - even though we sense it or seek it.

Let's flip the script, lower our maks, and look at how we can be present and in our body to live a conscious life - or maybe to start with more mindful moments. 

The best way to take off your mask is to meditate. Mediation slows you down and quiets your mind so that you see what beliefs occupy your mind and help you detach from them. And when you identify those beliefs, you likely identify the masks you tend to wear. Then you can see through them and see your true Self with clarity. 

Another way to lower your mask is to engage in a friendship or relationship - starting with yourSelf - with consciousness. Go into it awake and aware, and allow yourself to settle into your natural tendencies. Empower yourself and others by being open and honest about your real feelings - of course, with compassion and loving-kindness. Feel all the feels. Create a relaxed, spontaneous, and guilt-free atmosphere to experience real love. And surround yourself with a supportive community to encourage your soulful evolution.

And hey... don't be alarmed when you take off a mask that you may see some of the same qualities of the disguise. But this time, they are genuinely and authentically you. So receive whatever feedback comes to you and look at it quietly. Instead of trying to ward it off, try to find and see the truth in the message.

The essential antidote to the mask you wear is to learn to accept and love yourself as you are. When you do that, you can finally release the fear of not being loved and accepted by others. And then your genuine higher self-qualities can be reclaimed in their original form. When you embody your true Self, you find that people are attracted to you. You set in motion a genuine circle of reinforcement for being your true Self.

Full Circle

To come full circle, I'll share a quote from Maya Angelou. "When you know better, you do better."  

I hope you sensed and felt in today's episode that when you hold compassion and get to know yourSelf, your shadow, and the masks you wear - you know better, you show up better, and you maneuver life better.

Your honest self-acceptance creates the basis for genuine self-respect. And true self-respect replaces your false self-esteem built on an idealized self-image. 

Main Takeaways

The main takeaways from today's episode are invitations for you to reflect and bridge your outer world with your inner world.

• I invite you to reflect on your knee-jerk reactions. Are they the nature of your true Self? Or perhaps they're tendencies of your shadow self? Maybe they're filtered through the masks you wear?
• What mask do you wear in life to feel accepted or have a false sense of protection? Is it the Power mask? Love mask? Or maybe the Serenity mask? 
• When you lower your mask, you can be present and in your body to live a conscious life - or even start with more mindful moments. Here are several ways you can do it.
• Meditate, so you see through the masks you wear and see your true Self with clarity. 
• Engage in a friendship or relationship - starting with yourSelf - with consciousness. Be open and honest about your real feelings and share them with compassion and loving-kindness. Feel all the feels. 
• Surround yourself with a supportive community to encourage your soulful evolution.

This reminds me of a passion project I'm working on feverishly. This fall, I'm offering a sacred circle for women who are exhausted from navigating life's demands and tired of traveling alone. She knows it's in her blood to be in a safe community of women and access the power of the divine feminine. 

Is this you? If so, I'm leading a 4-month sacred circle starting in August where you

• Heal unresolved issues and access profound learnings
• Connect with your sacred sovereignty
• Remember your purpose and be at peace in how you show up.

If you're interested in bonding through wholehearted conversations and growing with a sisterhood that you'll integrate with and return to for support, then DM me "Sacred Circle" and be added to the waitlist. The fall Sacred Circle is a soulful transformation and evolution through the power of the divine feminine.

See you in next week's episode.

I honor the divine in you.