Play By Your Rules with Gina Vincent

Erica

Oh, my goodness. Well, Gina, I'm so happy to have you on my podcast. And for those that don't yet know Gina, she's a transformation expert. And not only is she bold and intentional, but she's adventurous. She's been a fast friend of mine that I'm so happy to share with you. And to give you a bit of perspective on what Gina does and her sense of adventure, she founded Blissed Out, Fit, and Feisty as a wellness magazine. And then, she went on and designed the Opening to Possibility Cards to help women discover their inner beauty. And now she has a three-step strategy called Exquisitely Aligned that helps women live life on their terms, make an impact, and shine so bright that they light the way for others. So I'm so glad you're here with me today, Gina. Welcome. 

Gina

Thank you very much. I'm excited to be in your presence again. And yes, we fast became friends, and I enjoy that. I'm grateful. 

Erica

Yes, yes. Oh good. So, I find that your energy is so high and magnetic, and even though I feel like I've known you for years, it's just a thrill to have you here. And I thought that for this conversation, we would talk about a topic that we have in common. And that’s the fact we both come from a place of wanting to help people start following their own path. Everyone's unique, and we have a unique calling to be here. And as I think of that in the nature of my company’s name, I chose SparkPath, which is intended to spark that light within you to find your path and to find your footing on that path. And to return to what one knows to be true. And I know you feel that same way. As a matter of fact, you wrote a beautiful blog on this topic. And in that blog, something that just screamed at me was the desire for more. And I think in this era where we want more, we wanna consume more, absorb more, and deplete more. So I love your take, which is we need more joy. We need more deeper connections. We need more bigger dreams to come to fruition and more fulfillment in life. And so I just wanted to celebrate that and have you expand on how you arrived at that way of looking at the desire for more.

Gina

Yeah. So I'm glad you brought that up because it's one of the fun things to talk about. Yes, my yearning for more was different than even the person I was telling that to. I'm gonna go back. So my son was, well, we didn't adopt our daughter yet, so probably about 18, 19 years ago when it happened. I felt like I wanted more. And I was telling somebody who knew me very well. She knew me before I even met my husband. She knew me before I became a mom. So when I said this to her, I wanted more, I couldn't describe at that point what more was. I just knew I was missing something, and it was annoying me. It was really eating at me. I felt there's gotta be more to this life. 

And she looked at me. I'll never forget it because I'd never felt so judged before. Well, I felt judged before, but not like this. She said, what do you want? You got this great husband, you have a healthy son, you have this gorgeous house, and you just came back from Italy. What more do you want? And I was like, “Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about.” I just quieted myself. Even my husband couldn't understand it. But for me, the more was not about indulgences and all these things. Instead, it’s that depth and richness. And I think that's probably why we became fast friends: we can have rich conversations quickly and easily - even as two complete strangers meeting via Zoom. 

So I found it hard to describe “more.” So people asked what does that mean for you? Or how can I help you achieve more? But I'm finding now, with the work I do, this is happening with teenagers. This is happening in people in their twenties. It’s not just in their thirties or fifties. I think people are realizing it's not about having a beautiful house or car. It's wanting something rich. And the richness doesn't have to be money, but this depth is in a relationship and depths in a conversation.

I was just speaking to someone who arrived back from Spain yesterday, and she shared how fabulous it was to be in another country. The different language. The different clothing, face shapes, and hair color. And a different food experience. It’s in those situations that I feel alive. I wish I could buy an airline ticket and go to Spain. Instead, I’m swimming vicariously through her. But that's the richness of exploring and seeing how other people live, whether it's a first-world country or not. And sometimes going to third world countries is a really rich experience too, cuz you come home going, wow!

Erica

Yes. Yeah. And I, and it's also those times, especially when the language isn't a language you speak well, that you are really invited to look for the greater meaning and pay attention to expressions on people's faces. And to see the body language. So you are unintentionally in that deeper place and looking for deeper meaning.

You know, and I think it's interesting too, that you mentioned in your experience that when you were seeking something more, you were met with that confusion and a misunderstanding, and even a sense of judgment from other people.

Sadly I think that’s what many people experience when they have those deep dreams and desires. It results from so many layers of expectations and “shoulds.” I spoke to someone earlier who referred to “...following the yellow brick road…” in life, which is a path that someone else laid for us and may not be our path.

So I think this is a really fascinating topic. And I know you wrote of this in your blog, which I’ll include in the show notes about the five essential things you can do to write and play by your own rules. And while I would love to spend time on all five, there are three that I was like, oh my gosh, let's touch on these.

And the first one was to stop chasing your dreams. They’re not running from you. And I would love to hear you talk to us about this and what this means to you.

Gina

Yeah. So I'm not a runner. I only run when I see a snake, and it's usually in place. My legs are moving, and my body is not. So it means a couple of things. I think we get tired when we run or chase after things. And I think many people believe that the proper thing to do is chase your dreams and really go after them hard. But I find that the people who do, become exhausted - like they’re running a marathon. It's never-ending. There's no real result. There's no real celebration of ending in the right place - their right place, whatever they thought that was. 

For me, it's about when we partner with our dreams. When we take them in from every aspect. We see what we really value in that dream. My husband and I dream of world travel, and we have traveled to different places and really enjoyed it. And so for us, it's giving up Starbucks coffee for five, six bucks to save for the airline ticket. And when you do this, you start partnering your decisions and matching them to your goals, desires, and dreams. And I think when you come from that place, you're just mindful of every moment of the day. You ask yourself, “How does this play into the final destination or my dreams?”. For us, it was moving to California. Unfortunately, it became during a pandemic. We said the summer of 2020 would be perfect because one child, the oldest, was going to college. And the youngest was going to high school. That was ideal. Things were different, but we still made it work because we partnered with our dream for four years of planning to live in sunny Southern California.

Partnering with your desire and dreams takes away that exhaustion of running and chasing them and puts us in a place where it's a commitment. And I use the example of me and my husband wanting to move here, but it doesn't have to be with somebody else. It can be partnering yourself with your dream.

Erica

I love the idea of partnering with your dream. And I found your experience to be a hundred percent accurate when I partner with my dream. You attract more to support you with that commitment. It’s like the unseen world supports you in ways your busy mind just can't fathom. 

Gina

Right. And that's the other part. Great point, Erica. When you're running to a destination, you're chasing a desire or dream. And it might not be the right one for you. So in talking about this energy that attracts the right things, it may attract something bigger than you ever dreamt it might be. Or it may include more people than whatever you dreamt it might be. Or even bring you to a destination other than you thought. 

For instance, my husband and I originally intended to move to Maui. That was where we were going. And three people who didn't know each other on different days in different settings said the same sentence. Because you have a daughter going into high school, you should consider California. The school systems will support her better than on the islands of Hawaii. So because we had put out the intention of partnering with our dream to live by a beach with warm temps - we realized it’s okay to shift from Maui to California. And so I'm glad you brought that up because that's an amazing thing that does happen if we open our hearts.

Erica

And that openness to being open to whatever the outcome allows your intention or dream to magnetize the right things and reminds us to be open to receiving what may look or feel different than what we thought.

Gina, you also mentioned being your own authority. And I say this repeatedly and would love to have you share your angle on this because I think it's sometimes a little too soft for people to fully grasp. So I'd love to have you explain what that means to you.

Gina

Perfect. So I believe, especially cuz I come from a fashion background, that we live in a world that begs us to conform. I like to call it the one size fits all, and that a woman of a certain age should look like…and you fill in the blank. And it goes for men too. And there are these pretend rules and roles that we fall into. And I see them as being dangerous because when we play by the rules and fall into these roles, we start giving up parts of who we truly are. Who we were born to be, who we were supposed to be or called to be. 

I meet so many people now that are exhausted. They're busy. And I ask, “What are you busy doing?” Are you busy playing a role? Are you busy following the rules your child's birthday party must have x, y, and z? I see so many people running in circles. And I think that if we allow ourselves the ability to cut free from those rules and roles we'll free up about 80% of our time. And then we could be ourselves. And that's less exhausting. When you're trying to be something you're not, you usually become sad, possibly even depressed, or just don’t feel right. You ight be exhausted or tired, or frustrated. It’s a lot.

And when that happens, there’s an imbalance. So when you return to what I call exquisitely aligned and partner and allow that part of you, your inner knowing, inner guidance, or intuition - people can meet you where you’re at. So when you’re authentic, you find this beautiful freedom where everything falls into place. You have more time in your day, and the right people just pop up - like you and I connecting. I'm getting goosebumps as I even say that, Erica, but I can just talk to you as myself and then discover we have a lot in common. So when you have the ability to see and feel what's right for you - the more you become yourself and the less you play those rules and roles.

Erica

And to add to that, I think there’s an invitation for one to honor their authority when they pause a moment and check in with themselves. What would the wiser Erica do right now? Or what would the wiser Gina say right now? And in that pause, you can choose not to follow an old pattern and shift or start a new pattern. 

Gina

From my yoga background, I usually ask people to take a nice full breath to create that pause you're talking about. Oftentimes we don't give ourselves permission to pause and reconnect. and nobody can take that pause away from us. So why not give yourself that moment to really ground, reconnect or ask your wiser self for guidance.

Erica

Yes. I think it's so important to do this and shake things up. And speaking of shaking things up, I know your stories, your journey, and your life's work has been to say yes to the invitation of being intimidated, intrigued, and adventurous - rather than hiding behind a rule or role. Maybe you could talk about what that twinge can feel like and when to step into it versus when it's not okay to step into it.

Gina

So I believe there are two invitations from the universe, from life, from your creator, however, you wanna talk about it. It’s being intimidated and intrigued. And when you feel both at the same time, then it’s an invitation to step into it. When somebody says something to you and in that moment, you might hear it and then feel like that's a little scary, I'm not sure I can do that, how would I do that, or I've never tried it. But yet you're intrigued as well. And that may feel like if I was on the other side of that, that would be pretty cool, or that would be a place I'd like to be

So I'll give the example of podcasting because while living on the East Coast, 5 different people told me you need to have a show. You love to talk. You love meeting people. You'd be natural. And I said to all of them, you are absolutely outta your head. That's the last thing I need right now. My plate is full. I have absolutely no desire to be a podcaster. I never thought about it again. So I didn't connect to it. It didn't resonate. I didn't feel intimidated or intrigued. To me, it sounded like another to-do item. And it was a to-do that I had absolutely no clue how to do it and no desire to do it. So I think when you hear something that doesn't resonate, that's your answer. That's your truth. Because otherwise, it's a rule or a rule.

A year ago. Someone said it to me, you should do a podcast because I'm doing one, and we could work together and support each other. So anyway,  it was like I heard it for the first time, which is a joke because I heard it three to five times before, but this time was so different. It was almost like rushing over me physically. Like an oh-wow effect. I thought that would be pretty cool. That might be fun. I don't know how to do it. How would I do it? And then I felt intimidated and heard myself say I don't know anything about it. I'm gonna have to learn. There's gonna be a learning curve. But then it's like I can meet cool people like Erica. I could talk to people around the world. I could give a voice to what it means to be exquisite and exquisitely aligned. So I very much am an advocate for us each taking a moment like you were talking about and pausing when we hear something intimidating and intriguing at the same time and really play with it. That doesn't mean you have to sign up for a podcast the next day or whatever it is. I'm a visual person, so I like to write it down on my to-do list or put a sticky on my computer screen and just keep coming back to it. Another person gave me the idea to use index cards to note all my desires and then put them in a box and every now and again go through and see which one sounds intimidating and intriguing at that time. And the ones that are like, oh God, I don't wanna be writing articles. Then you put it back in the box, and you say, I'm not gonna write articles right now - another time. And I think the more we do that, we stretch ourselves. Then we become more of ourselves and more in tune with our gifts. 

Is my Podcast work? Yes. Did I have to learn a lot? Absolutely. Do I still have to do legwork behind the scenes? Yes, but it's worth every single ounce of my energy. How do you feel? You probably have a different way of explaining it, Erica.

Erica

Yeah, everything you have mentioned at the end here is very, a mutual feeling. Yes, it was a lot of work. Yes, it's incredibly gratifying. Yes, I am humbled by meeting so many brilliant people traveling their life's work, traveling their journey, and quite often, many of them are in a place now to talk about it and invite others to talk about it. And so I just find that. The inspiration that fuels me to keep showing up and keep doing the prep work and editing and all that good stuff. 

And so, s I wrap this up, I like to ask you a question. And I'll frame it from your exquisitely aligned lens. What would you tell the younger you the most practical advice to be exquisitely aligned?

Gina

Oh, that's a good one. The younger me never fit in. I never, never fit in. I never fit into my family.  But I think for the most part it would be, “It's not gonna be easy, Gina. It's really not gonna be easy. You're gonna have so many bruises from life but in the end, it's all gonna be overwhelmingly worth it. And that you'll see how each of those crazy little trials and tribulations, and I say little, but they weren't little are gonna be really hard, but in the end it'll be blissful and you're okay. All of that happens so that I can live my legacy.”

Erica

Yeah. And arrive here.

Gina

Yeah. Finally. 

Erica

Yes. Yes. Oh my goodness, Gina, it's such a pleasure to be in this space with you, and I really thank you for talking with me and my people. Your insights and your wisdom are appreciated. I will include all of Gina's info in the show notes. I really, really thank you.

Gina

Thank you.