Soulful Teen Practices

Hey Friends!

After last week's episode on how to soulfully connect with teens, I realized there's so much more to say about this topic. And if you missed that episode, give it a listen. It's Episode #27, and you can find it on podcast.sparkpathhealing.com or wherever you listen to your podcast. 

So today, I'll share some practices my teen daughters offered when I asked how they soulfully connect with themselves when navigating heavy feelings. You know that place within you that brings you comfort and ease. They had loads to offer, so I'm sharing it with you in this episode.

Next week, I'll discuss your birth family's role in navigating parent/child relationships. It's heady and insightful as we look at teens, their vulnerability, and how that plays into tenderly connecting with them. I find the patterns in a birth family fascinating as we often wonder why siblings (ahem…even twins) have very different responses to their birth family.

But for now, let's dive in and talk about soulful practices expressed by my teen daughters'.

Another Perspective

Last week, I took a parent and practitioner perspective of connecting with a teen. Today, I'm looking at this from a teen's perspective who has a spiritual practice. I'll lead by saying a practice means something different for each person. An approach for one person could be making that initial connection to a helping guide or a deeper part of themselves and then returning to that place when needed. For someone else, a spiritual practice could be a walk in nature after setting an intention or asking an open-ended question. Then during the walk, they receive whatever message nature shows them. Another practice could be meditation, which focuses on your breathing. 

So with that understanding, these practices my teens offer are a potpourri of resources they rely on in their spiritual practice. And, yes, I have their permission to share them with you. And, yes, I'm intentionally not disclosing their names for their privacy.

As I organized their suggestions and processed how I wanted to talk about this – I kept returning to the phrase "…from the mouths of babes". And while this phrase is endearing when referenced to your toddler or preschooler – I find it just as lovely as I'm about to talk about what they said and shared with me. So while life throws them curve balls and teens face mental health problems more than ever – they still have a way with words.  

Potpourri of Practices

1. So let's talk about the practices they rely on. I'll share these in no particular order and invite you to try them out and offer them to your teen or a teen seeking new resources.

Spirit Animals

My daughter describes the times she goes to her spirit animals for guidance and solace. She explained the most common reason she connects with her spirit animal is to help her calm down. She went on to say that even when she doesn't follow the exact pathway to make that connection – she gets instant relief from the energy of her spirit animal. She also said she goes to her spirit animal when she doesn't have the confidence or courage to face whatever issue feels bigger than her.

I'll add that establishing this connection when they were around 5 years old was one of the most insightful and powerful experiences as a parent. The description of their journey and spirit animal was so telling. And as their mother, I appreciate how brilliantly connected young kids are to the unseen worlds.

Physical Animals

My daughter explained how connecting with animals - especially horses – helps her reconnect with herself. She knows how animals are naturally attuned to all their senses, unlike humans. So they pick up what you're feeling and needing – whether you realize it or not. She explained how our dog, Roxy, knows when someone is scared of her. And when that happens, Roxy is much more curious about them. Almost as if Roxy wants to show them how to overcome their fear by being curious.

She also described how, when approaching a horse, they mirror whatever we're experiencing. This can be good or bad. Good in that if you're grounded and settled, the horse is also grounded and settled. It's like there's mutual respect. Bad in that if you don't set boundaries well or are fearful of a horse, they sense that. So the horse counteracts by establishing its own boundary, which may feel like they're stubborn or rambunctious. Or the horse may sense your fear and become fearful too. Then they might behave unpredictably and possibly harm you. 

Breathing Exercises

My daughter relies on several breathing techniques to help her calm down when upset. As a matter of fact, she reminds me of these techniques every now and then. She elaborated and said the box breathing is her go-to approach. And for those who don't know what this is – I'll explain. Box breathing is when you breathe in slowly for a count of four, hold your inhale for a count of four, and then a slow exhale through your mouth for a count of four. Repeat until you feel settled. She uses this tactic to de-stress before taking a test and to calm down whenever things feel out of control. 

I'd add that this is a tool teens *always* have with them. It helps neutralize a situation, return to their body, and slow down their heart rate, so they're in a more rational and relatable state. I find that box breathing is a form of mediation when done for an extended time. There is so much science behind the positive effects of long, slow breaths. This reminds me of a book about breathing. It blew my mind - pun unintended. It's called "Breath – the new science of a lost art" by James Nestor. It's fascinating and loaded with different breathing techniques he tried and how they played out. He also includes breathing exercises you can try. I digress.

Altars

Both daughters mentioned the power of creating and relying on an altar. But one of them practices this consistently. She explained that creating an altar provides her relief and support. 

Side note: creating an altar or, frankly, creating anything is an excellent way to tap into your essence. You especially experience this when you're not attached to the outcome and can hold a beginner's mind. When you do this, you create freely. Try it.

1. Where was I? Alters. So my daughter described that when she returns to her alter – even if just a quick passing by – she feels happy, calm, centered, and free. 

From my experience in creating altars and observing her practice, I've noticed that an alter reflects what you need in that moment of your life, that season, that phase. So each time you visit an altar, it's almost like a power retrieval for your essence.

Grounding Meditation

Yes, there are 101 ways to ground yourself through meditation. 

And whichever one works for you – it's the best meditation. In other words, I'll lead by saying here's one form of a grounding meditation my daughter adopted. She learned the meditation from a workshop for teen girls led by Tiana Baumsteiger. After that, my daughter modified it and made it her own. By the way, Tiana is brilliant at her craft, and I encourage you to follow her. I'll give you the abbreviated version of my daughter's modified meditation so you can take what you like and mold it into your own.

Close your eyes and notice your breathing.

Watch where your breath goes as you breathe in and you breathe out.

Now envision your feet having roots in the Earth.

And as the roots grow to the center of the Earth, there's a ball of light. 

Plug your roots into the ball of light and enter your initials.

Feel the light run through your body.

And now detach or unplug your roots from the ball of light.

Begin to feel your feet as you slowly wiggle your toes.

Follow your breath back into the room.

Slowly open your eyes. 

Pendulum 

A pendulum was suggested by my daughter, who struggles with decision-making. She finds it helpful to make decisions when both options are appealing and having both isn't an option. Who doesn't grapple with this, right? There's quite a bit of unpacking on how to use a pendulum. So, I'll just leave this here and say that once you know how to use a pendulum respectfully and appropriately – it's a helpful tool. 

For our daughter, a pendulum is especially helpful for her. So, instead of giving up her power and asking her dad and me if she should decide this or that - she can rely on her pendulum. The pendulum relies on her own power source to support her decision-making. And by doing this, she can viscerally feel how her body responds to a decision. 

I'll add that, over time, this tool helps her establish a pathway of listening to her body when a pendulum isn't feasible. And even better is she's deciding without the imprint or bias from her dad or me. And if you have teens, you know that a decision that's highly influenced by you is never fully backed by them. Ha!

Oracle Cards

Oracle cards are another resource our daughter uses for a sense of direction. She described them as a fun way to learn more about a situation than what's obvious.

I'll add that while she uses these light-heartedly, it's helping her to build trust within herself by connecting to her inner knowing. What I mean by that is that I really encourage her to interpret a card before looking at the small book that came with her deck describing the meaning of each card. So, by relying on her instincts first, she can start to see how the book validates them rather than defines them.

She really likes her Oracle deck and especially enjoys reading Oracle cards to others. And by using her cards, she sees how symbols offer messages. And these messages require you to be in your authority and determine how they're relevant and helpful for you.

And to add to this, Oracle cards are a divination tool for your teen. They help teens (and you!) rely on symbols to access the insights, direction, or meaning they seek. And I need to emphasize that when teens rely on their intuition to interpret the significance or meaning of a symbol like an Oracle card – it's far more reliable and relevant to them. This is empowering for them. It teaches them to rely on their inner knowing before being influenced by someone else's interpretation of whatever insights or direction they seek. This tool allows the mysteries of the universe to come through the cards based on their inquiry, the symbols, and their intuition.

Full Circle

So, to come full circle, sometimes kids (and teens!) say the darnedest things. And admittedly, this was one of those times for me. I was surprised by how much my teen daughters had to say. Which is a reminder to talk with your teens. Ask them insightful, thought-provoking questions. Get them to reach from within, and you, too, may be surprised by what they have to say. You may even be surprised by how many resources they already have to re-ground themselves and navigate whatever life shows them. Oh, from the mouths of babes.

Main Takeaway

The main takeaway from today's episode is to introduce your teen to practices that neutralize a charged situation and help them return to their body and inner knowing. When they do, they can find light when things feel dark. 

That's it for now.

See you in next week's episode. 

I honor the divine in you.