What Are You Clutching?

So I have been committing most of my time and energy towards my soulful healing practice of holding space for others and serving them as they navigate their journey and way of life. And the fear of failure has come up for me. And while I'm embarrassed to talk about it, I imagine everyone fears failure at some point.

And so this fear of failure is married to the fear that stepping into this work isn't play out in a way that supports my family to live where we live and do what we do. And I may have to resort back to committing entirely to my business consulting practice. As many of you know, it is something I did wholeheartedly in a past life, and I still do today with a select few clients.

And so, it feels like a failure for me because that work, the grind, and the hustle of that work were just unfulfilling for me. Mainly when working with individuals that were, you know, in the trenches of the daily busyness grind. And so I recognized that this fear comes up in my rigid patterning. And that can kick off all sorts of beliefs that things have to be black or white, this or that, right or wrong, or correct or incorrect. And that's not how life works. And I know this. I have a couple of business consulting clients I'm working with now and clients in my private soulful coaching practice.

And it was at this moment that I realized my intellectual mind sent me spiraling into my fear of failure. And as I shared this with some friends I wholeheartedly trust and admire who hold space for me, one shared this analogy of the clutch and your gas pedal in a manual transmission car. And it was this metaphor that opened up insights in an unexpected way.

What am I Clutching?

I sat with the question, "What is my clutch these days?" In addition to fearing failure, I saw my need to do things perfectly was something I clutched. And even though I know no one cares that it's done perfectly, there's just this drive to do it perfectly. And my tendency to have things work out linearly becomes my clutch and slows me down. And even my fear of judgment often gets in my way. So as I say these things, I notice them as signs I'm stuck in my rigid patterning. And I clutch on these beliefs and behaviors, which slows me down and my efforts to move forward to a crawl or even a standstill.

What Happens When I Let Off the Clutch?

Then I wondered what it would look like if I let off the clutch so that I could start to move forward and eventually accelerate. And here's what came up for me. So, again, I'm sharing these with the spirit of, there's something here that's really resonating for you around this metaphor that you can use to help you bridge your inner and outer worlds. 

I notice that my rigid patterning is my clutch, and when I let off the clutch, I can trust my inner wisdom and stop looking externally. I can regularly access my heart and intuition and not just in dire situations. I can soften my view of the horizon and see the entire picture instead of a crisp view of only a few objects. I can look further at my North Star without being attached to the outcome or results. And when I do these things, I can comfortably let off the clutch and move forward. 

And while holding this, I appreciate that the clutch is there to help me slow down and yield when things get squirrely, and I spiral into my perfectionism and fears. I also see how the clutch helps me accelerate and move quicker. So the clutch serves a purpose and a need - it's not just a hindrance for me. And while it can slow me down to look at things more broadly, it also helps me accelerate and move forward faster.

Full Circle

So to come full circle to my fear of failure, practicing in my private client practice and being of service that way - I realize that fear was a symptom or a cautionary tale used as my clutch to slow me down. And this slow in my momentum felt like a hindrance. But now I see it wasn't. Instead, it was a pause allowing me to look at this fear from many angles.

And with this perspective, I see my past failures have been gifts, some of which are my most profound healings when I look broadly over my lifetime at my biggest failures. I also see failures as a way the Universe steers me and how my team of spirit guides can course-correct me when I veer and get off the path of my life's work. And this same pause allowed me to go inward and unearth all of this. 

So I say all this because this simple metaphor of the clutch and your gas pedal has turned out to be a godsend, helping me slow my roll and holistically look at this fear of failure. And with this time and space, I see how expansive it is and the breadth and depth of wisdom it offers me. So without that clutch, I couldn't appreciate, see, or hold these insights - let alone integrate them.

So that is my hope for you by listening to this episode and hearing me out. I invite you to take that metaphor and see how you use your clutch and how it's working for you or against you. 

And I want you to know that I see you regardless of how you are navigating life, whether it's a manual transmission or an automatic, and you're in cruise control. 

And I honor the divine in you. 

Bye for now.