Soulful Evolution with Karyn Flynn

Erica 

Karyn, thanks so much for jumping on for my season two, which now has video and people! So we've had some fascinating conversations. And the fact that you agreed to have one of those conversations while hitting record, I'm just so grateful. 

Karyn

My pleasure. 

Erica

So, let's root this conversation on soulful evolution and what that means to you and let's see where this takes us. 

Karyn

I wanted to discuss this because it's been my biggest aha in my midlife. As I honor my soul, I'm also trying to figure out what soulful evolution means. I've spent years figuring out what honoring my soul means, and it's an evolution. 

The first part of my life was about society's definition of success. Then, it was about feeding and fueling my ambition and hitting the external markers of success. And now, when I think about my soul, it's about understanding and knowing my values and how they have shifted and changed.

It's about recognizing I am changing and evolving, and even at this point that I am now, it's not an arrival. It's just a point in time on this continuum. And I am still determining where I'm going. 

And then, returning to what is success for me at this point in my life, I ground this in my evolving values and start to live a more soulful life - which for me is one of alignment. 

Erica

You had me at success and soulful. And I related to much of what you say - as if you're a soul sister on many levels. 

Karyn

I've also struggled to define success when I know I'm evolving. There's a much deeper connection to purpose and success as I live from a more aligned place with my soul. But then, when you relate to success when navigating this world, we live in - it gets tricky. 

What I mean by that is I'll feel really good. I'm okay and doing life on my own. I end the day and feel like I lived a purposeful day. And that's because I have done something meaningful. Whether it's cooking dinner for my family, spending time reading, or writing for my newsletter, "Holos," - it's intentional and meaningful.

Then I get tripped up when talking to someone, and they ask what I have been up to. And when I try to say these things, they seem small and almost insignificant - particularly when they share how they were just at Davos speaking on the women's panel or closed this big, huge deal. 

I know that's the ego in me acting up. I can feel my ego wanting to play on that field. And yet the reality is I'm not as interested in that anymore. I just am not. And at the same time, I would be lying if I said I didn't still feel the pull of that occasionally. It is easier to quantify success by closing a big deal, a speaking engagement, or whatever it might be. That's tangible. 

Erica

It is tangible. And everything you just said is a result of your soulful evolution. You can be connected with your soul, live meaningfully and purposefully, and be pulled to do tangible, quantifiable things defined by someone else. This realization is because of your soulful evolution. 

Karyn

The big realization that helps me feel I made progress on this journey is precisely that. I can now sense these things happening apart from my soul and authentic self. I don't always know what to do with it or may not always honor it as I should. Still, just like you said, the fact that I can even notice that it's happening now gives me a chance to pause and step back. Then I can decide to continue down that path or recognize it's attractive to the ego and can let it go.

Erica

It reminds me of how I think of soulful evolution as living in consciousness. Or one being more awakened. And while awakened is becoming a common term without fully appreciating its significance - I use it to mean living consciously and awake to notice the subtleties of life as you just described.

It also reminds me of one of my daughters, who I thought was in a difficult place in her life. And even though she couldn't express what she was experiencing, perhaps because she doesn't yet have that language, I sensed she was living consciously and processing the subtleties of life. So, even at the ripe age of 13, soulful evolution occurs while she develops the language to describe what she's experiencing. She senses something else is happening and is curious about it. 

I can relate so much. This same heightened sense happens in that midlife phase of your journey here on this planet.

Karyn

What happens at a young age is dismissed almost as growing pains and is negatively referred to as searching. Like that's a bad thing, and it's more about discovery.

There's a ton of overlap between those teenage years and midlife where there's that same sort of unknowingness about the future. And imagine if we could relax into this discovery and searching process without the pressure of a goal or knowing or labeling the kind of person you are or the career you'll pursue. Imagine letting ourselves relax more into the moment and be present to explore curiosities and pursue interests without the stresses. And be forgiving in situations where you go in one direction and realize you don't like that, so you choose another path. And that's perfectly okay with that decision versus holding onto it so tightly that it's wrapped into your identity.

Erica

Yes, it is. It is slippery. 

Karyn

The other day, someone said you must let go of your calcified self. And it has stuck with me because if you hold on so tightly to who you think you are, you disable the capacity for growth and evolution.

And growth and evolution are natural and native to all humans. So you get in the way of what nature wants for you when you hold so tightly to things like how you define yourself or who I am. So I'm playing around with this idea for myself.

Erica

In addition to how you define "Who am I," - you realize it's layered. There are layers of how you define yourself based on what you've been told - whether in a professional setting or growing up in your family. And then there's the ancestral layer of patterning you inherited and societal definitions shaping who you are. So it's tricky to define who I am. 

But if there's a curiosity to understand the meaning beneath all of this and a willingness to try on new hats - it can be a fascinating process in the teen years and midlife when we're trying to figure out who we are.

Karyn

One big realization regarding soulful evolution, or living a more soulful life, is that I must be more patient and kinder to myself by giving myself time to figure it out. The present is essential, and the future results from the present.

Erica

For me, being soulful has been about trying to be more present in my life. And I am honing in on that. And while every bone in my body wants to plan for the future, it's a practice to be present and remain present.

And when I do it, I feel spaciousness and expansive and can fully be with a feeling, in a moment, or just be. Just be. 

Karyn

It's taken me a long time to recognize the power in just being because it seemed like a 180 from doing. And I associated it with being lazy and not accomplishing or achieving anything. I now recognize the subtle difference. Being present is not the opposite of doing - it's an expansiveness. 

Erica

Yes! When you're being, and you're still, you can connect with your inner self in a way that allows you to access a source far more significant than yourself. And then your state of being is soulfully doing.

Karyn

That's huge. It's not busyness. Busyness is a distraction and can cheapen your day-to-day existence.

Erica

Holding that understanding is fragile because we live in a capitalistic world where you're valued on productivity, doing, and getting results. 

Karyn

And efficiency, too! You derive satisfaction from feeling like you got so much done on your to-do list today. But should those things be on the list? Was that a good use of my time? Was it aligned with my values? Most people don't think that way - including myself. While I try to be more intentional with my life, historically, I was all about my lists.

Erica

Right. And there's a blend where living intentionally and having a list come together and meet somewhere in the middle. And when I can be present, I feel my soul directs me. I make that connection when I'm out of this busy, intellectual mind of doing.

Karyn

And that's when you access a greater sense of purpose, fulfillment, and moments of happiness. 

Erica

And accessing a more profound meaning, you cannot call your own.

Karyn

I was on the spectrum for having to-do lists, chasing achievements, and constant busyness. I was addicted to those things. And I had to make a conscious decision that I did not want to be like that. And that's when I took up a journaling practice. I never thought of myself as someone who would journal. But taking up a journaling practice, meditating, and spending time in nature allowed me to get clear on some core values in my life. My values have been the touchstones that help me whenever I start to slide back into those old habits and patterns. Those practices helped me reach a more centered, grounded, and soulful state.

Erica

Kids are role models for living in the present moment. They don't know any other way to live. Little kids act out their feelings and have wildly creative imaginations. It's fascinating to me. They're truly the best teachers of how to be present. There's no toddler I can guarantee you that's wondering, what am I having for dinner tonight? 

Karyn

[laugh] Nope. Unless they wake up in the morning and declare they want pizza! And then they keep with the pizza thing the whole day long.

Erica

Right. They're in the moment. They're all about pizza. There are no filters for them. They say or express whatever they feel. No filters. Their soul radiates out of them - whether a firm "NO!" or gentle "Hold me," it's a clear expression. I find them so fascinating. 

Karyn

I've been considering taking a week or a month to have no plans where I intentionally carve out time to experience being in the moment and not think about the future. Can I live like a toddler and be fully present in the moment? I'm a planner as well. I find comfort in that. So to distance myself from doing and live with the uncomfortableness of being in the now - could I do this? There's something in that for me to experiment with. 

Erica

This brings me to the meditative practice I will take to my grave. My practice is the continual exercise to quiet the mind while I extend that stillness longer than 10 minutes. It's truly a practice for me to allow thoughts to pass and return to a quiet mind. 

So carving out a week or month where I'm fully present seems more challenging than my meditation practice! [laugh] I'd need to be outside my house; otherwise, I would do dishes, laundry, and house cleaning.

Karyn

It's funny you say that because I'm reading "4,000 Weeks" by Oliver Burkeman, and he describes time management for mortals. And he argues that our brains are hardwired to look for distraction because we don't want to face the fact that we cannot control the future.

And this makes me laugh. You're right. Even when I block two hours to work each, I find myself looking for what else I could do - besides work. It takes work to focus and concentrate. And, yes, it's the struggle. And one of the author's points is that it will always be a struggle. But when you accept this for what it is, then you stop struggling against the struggle. 

And midlife soulfulness is learning to live with surrender and acceptance - whatever those might mean to you. These two words go hand-in-hand for me during my midlife years.

Erica

I love that. Entering my midlife has been about surrendering to my life's learnings and accepting them. Until then, we may view them as trauma or misfortunes - whether it was that missed opportunity in my career or that job I turned down and always regretted. Now I can see there was always something else for me.

Karyn

Mmm-hmm. It was just a turn on the path or a fork in the road. And it's important not to paint them as good or bad - they just are. And some of them are bigger than others, which is why maybe you remember those types of things. 

We're making decisions and saying no to one option to say yes to another all the time. With every decision we make, we pick a path. It could be what we eat for dinner, the job you didn't take, or the guy you didn't marry.

Erica

And to bridge these, I reflect on my transition through menopause. So this process was a decision made for me. And it's one of the first times in my life that I have surrendered to and accepted a sacred transition my body goes through. And with that, I accessed a level of clarity, alignment, and even wisdom I had never fathomed. It just happened. Sometimes, something profound happens by not making a decision and allowing it.

Karyn

It's freeing in some respects. So that's been my lesson. I get freedom from the struggle and push by embracing surrender and acceptance. So I can live life more in a flow and aligned with a sense of higher purpose and goals and desires. It's easier.

Erica

And it feels more like my truth, and there's more potential. 

Karyn

Yes. And the best part is when you do that, you're not trying to figure things out and the thousand different potentials. Instead, you keep going. You keep moving forward.

I was listening to Martha Beck's podcast. I think this is her. If I misattributed, I apologize to whoever said it. They talked about living your life by moving towards and away from things. Similar to a game of hide-and-seek, as you get close to someone, they say cold, warm, warmer, hot, HOT! And in living your life, you move towards the things that feel warm, warmer, and hot. And when you have that sense of cold, you move away from it and go in a different direction. I thought that was brilliant! It's easy to understand and an easy way to think of living in a soulful flow in harmony with life.

Erica

I love that. Sometimes the most simple metaphors are the most profound. You just rocked my world.

Karyn

Yes. When I heard that, I said, "I can do that." I know how I feel about stuff. And if I don't let my mind overwrite it, I can go with that feeling of hot/cold. And I'll probably end up in a place that I might like. 

Erica

Right? And even if it feels cold right now, it might feel warm tomorrow. So it's not cold forever. 

Karyn

It's continually moving and flowing.

Erica

Yes. YES! Let's return to journaling. You mentioned you've gotten into journaling, and so have I. Historically, I journaled for other people in my corporate career, where I helped them get their messaging right while leading a team to bring a concept to market.

And so it's been a handful of years that I have had my journal practice and love it. So tell me some tactics you used to get into this practice and make it a habit. 

Karyn

I came to journaling because I listened to someone who said anybody could do anything for 30 days. And if you want to take on a practice that will improve your life, you must commit for a hundred days. This idea of creating a journaling practice happened while taking a creative writing class. And while my creative writing output was very little, it got me thinking about journaling. I kept hearing that journaling is important. 

I thought, all right, I'm going to make myself journal for a hundred days. So I bought a beautiful little journal. I put it next to my bed. That was key for me because I had to find a time and a place where I would consistently do it. I tried in the mornings, but my mornings were too busy. So I committed to 100 days. Some nights, I picked up my pen and didn't want to write. So, I would open my journal and note, "I do not feel like journaling," which was my journal entry for the evening. It was more about the commitment to a hundred days than having meaningful entries.

And what I found by the end of the hundred days, my journal had become a place where I could hear myself think. And choosing the specific words or the right words forced me to get clear about what I was thinking or feeling. And if there was a good or difficult thing in my life, like trying to figure out my relationship with my dad since my mom died, my journal was where I could delve into that deeply and honestly without fear of someone reading it or critiquing it. So it diverted conversations the following day where I may feel something different and not have someone saying, "Wait, I thought you said X last night." Instead, I can allow the feelings to unfold on their own. Journaling has changed my life and has become a practice I can't imagine not having.

I journal four to six times a week. Now I'm not a hundred percent consistent as I won't take it on vacation. So I've tried that, but the rhythm of my days is too different. And I'm on my fourth book journal now and cannot believe it.

Erica

So much goodness. I have similar patterns of having to force myself to journal in the beginning. I was reading the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and trying to subscribe to her "Morning Pages." At first, I found it relieving because I could do a brain dump. After releasing the mental chatter, I was surprised by how mentally clear I was. I didn't need to decide anything - no editing or critiquing. It felt free afterward. 

Then it progressed into needing a journal prompt. I needed a direction to go if I was to write three pages. And Julia Cameron's journal prompts did that and always revealed new information about myself. I remember one prompt: "What was your favorite board game you played as a child?" This one was surprisingly insightful. Do you remember the game Parchesi? After writing three pages about this game, I realized why I enjoyed the game so much and how the rules and strategy of that came through in my life in different ways. It was so insightful. 

So then, my journal practice became my journal prompts. I have plenty to write about now and have found this a form of therapy. It's a method of reconnecting with myself and witnessing my soul evolve. 

Karyn

Do you write three pages every day? 

Erica

No, the practice has evolved. When I get inspired by something I read or heard, I return to 3 pages daily. For example, I was listening to "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz. It was so simple and yet so prolific. So before I read my next book, I wanted to spend time with each agreement. So I started doing my three pages on the first one, and it's helped me explore and integrate how to be impeccable with my word. 

So I know we're almost at the end of our time, and I love to ask, "What would you whisper to your younger self, whether it's advice or wisdom? What would you tell her?"

Karyn

That she is worthy and deserving as she is.

Erica

That's so beautiful. So powerful. I wish that could be a message granted to every teenager who is trying to figure out who they are right now. I wish I had known that earlier in my life.

Karyn

Yes, that's what I wish I had known. But it's part of growing up.

Erica

You are always such a pleasure to talk to you. I could speak with you for about three more hours. I loved our conversation. 

Karyn

I feel the same way. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. 

Erica 

Thank you. Yes. Oh, my goodness. 

Full Circle

Okay, friends. Isn't she so fun? She's so easy to talk with. And the one thing I hope you got from our discussion was that soulful evolution is a discovery and a journey. And related to that, the three takeaways I invite you to hold is this concept of hot and cold when you played hide and seek as a child. As you approach something in life, if it feels cold, cold, cold, then change direction, and maybe it becomes warm, warm, warm, and hot. Hot, hot. And I also invite you to be patient and kind to yourself. And that often means just being present and still and allowing. And lastly, both of us can't share enough of how journaling your journey can be so insightful and relieving. You can use those feelings as invitations to look inward, or you can also use journaling as a way for feelings to unfold and reveal themselves.

And speaking of journaling, I cannot recommend enough to subscribe to Karyn's email Holos. It is so good. She covers health and wellness for women like us who are figuring out things. It's adventurous. And don't forget to go to her website and check out her Drips and Drops because she has some fascinating stuff there. She's used herself as an experiment to try different things and offer her favorites through the Drips and Drops. Karyn's talked about supplements, silk pillowcases, and mocktails. She's covered the spectrum. So definitely give it a look, and I will see you on the next episode. 

Bye for now.